Leeds United starting pistol fired on Thorp Arch's Squid Game for new midfielder — Leeds Live 17/10/24
It is survival of the fittest behind closed doors.
By Beren Cross
A starting pistol on Leeds United’s search for a free agent
was fired by Daniel Farke yesterday, setting in motion what everyone needs: a
third deadline day of the year. October 30 has already been circled on
calendars across the Whites piece, with an inevitable slew of daily speculation
about which of Farke’s ‘special guests’ will seal the deal.
The way the German framed the search made it sound like a
game show. For some reason, a Thorp Arch-based version of Takeshi’s Castle or
Squid Game comes to mind. With a glint in his eye, Farke reassured supporters,
work is being done behind the scenes to earn this supposed contract.
“We won't bring a player in at the end of November,” he
said. “If you make a decision right now, pretty quickly, I spoke about the
profile, that is important, but also perhaps behind closed doors potential
candidates are already working a little bit on their fitness level and being
back for proper team training.
“Believe me, behind closed doors, we do also our homework,
but we will just be there when the deal would make sense.”
Day and night, Farke, Eddie Riemer, Christopher John and
Chris Domogalla take six-hour shifts to oversee the candidates. Challenges are
set and if they are not met, the competitors are removed from the process. You
can picture the fictional barking.
“Can you crunch through 10 non-descript attacking
midfielders in the space of 60 seconds and then rake a pass into Wilfried
Gnonto’s path on a diagonal? No? Leave.”
“Can you hold a defensive line, communicate in Welsh with
Joe Rodon and receive a pass from Illan Meslier with four attackers around you?
No? Get your things.”
“Have you racked up more than 200 appearances across
Europe’s five best leagues? No, the Latvian top flight doesn’t count. See you
around.”
“Do you accept, no matter what, you’re going to effectively
be carrying Ethan Ampadu’s bags the moment he is fit to reclaim the armband as
his own? Can’t swallow that? You know where the door is.”
“Can you teach Charlie Crew and James Debayo through the
first year of an undergraduate degree at Leeds Beckett University? You don’t
know how to impart wisdom? Goodbye.”
“You need to get within 10 seconds of Kalvin Phillips’s best
time for one lap of the track Marcelo Bielsa had installed at the training
ground. You left your running shoes at your last club? Oh dear.”
“Your weekly wage will be decent enough, but we have to run
a sustainable football club here. The appearance bonus is good, though. You’re
looking for the last big pay day of your career and think the 49ers are good
for it? Nope.”
Farke’s honesty on the search was welcome. It would have
been no surprise to hear the German stop short and leave it at the usual ‘I do
not like to comment on players who are not under contract here.’
Even if someone does not quite complete the Thorp Arch
assault course, Farke has at least acknowledged the situation they are in and
the need to look at it, instead of burying their heads in the sand. Mapping out
the full situation, with brutal honesty about any new face making up the
numbers when Ampadu returns, only helps the rest of us to fill in the blanks.