Leeds United 3-0 Plymouth Argyle: Don’t think — Square Ball 4/11/24

Toe poke

Written by: Rob Conlon

Dan James really didn’t want to shoot. Joe Rothwell was standing all alone to his right, waiting for a second chance to whip a cross into Plymouth’s penalty area. But as James took a touch the ball rolled away from him a few inches further than he intended. Two defenders were closing him down, stealing the space to pass to Rothwell, and the time for James to think about what he should do next. Leaning backwards, stretching forwards; his body shape was all wrong. But his instincts ignored everything his brain was telling him not to do: shoot.

Eight minutes later, Leeds were 3-0 up and climbing into the top two of the Championship, James’ brilliant opener turning United into the proverbial bottle of ketchup Daniel Farke hopes Manor Solomon will one day become.

James’ reluctance to shoot was bettered only by Plymouth’s. Wayne Rooney’s entire gameplan seemed to be based on hoping that if Plymouth refused to even attempt to score, Leeds might forget to do so themselves. Morgan Whittaker, their most influential attacker and wanted by Lazio last season, was left on the bench. He was sacrificed so Rooney could choose six defenders and three holding midfielders, even if it meant giving teenager Caleb Roberts his debut in Plymouth’s toughest fixture of the season, like Leeds going to Bramall Lane later this season and dropping Wilf Gnonto to give Max Wöber and James Debayo a game.

Rooney’s thinking was so muddled he got lost on his way into Elland Road and needed directing to the pitch. Plymouth were so well beaten before the game even began that the Yorkshire Evening Post’s Graham Smyth overheard a member of their staff saying, “The Championship record score is 8-0. A stat we might need for later.”

But Leeds still needed to score them, and with Plymouth scuttling backwards whenever they lost the ball, retreating as close to their penalty area as possible, trying to get a sight of goal through the crowd of bodies wasn’t easy. Pascal Struijk and Joe Rodon had to dribble to the edge of Plymouth’s box just to catch a glimpse of goalkeeper Daniel Grimshaw through the masses, curious to see what he looks like. Within the opening fifteen minutes, Grimshaw was warned by the referee about wasting time. His defenders weren’t going to protect him forever.

Joel Piroe flashed an early chance over at the near post. James, Wilf Gnonto, and Ao Tanaka all fashioned opportunities to have a crack from distance. Piroe cushioned a lovely volley onto a post from Sam Byram’s cross, only to be called offside anyway. Leeds were remaining resolute in their patience, until James ran out of time and was forced into sticking the ball into the top corner. Was it a toe poke? Did he hit it with his instep? Even James himself didn’t know what happened. “It definitely wasn’t a toe poke,” he told LUTV afterwards. “But it was close to a toe poke!”

Whatever. There wasn’t enough time to care, with Piroe poaching a well deserved goal two minutes later after Plymouth failed to clear Tanaka’s volley that bounced into the ground. Tanaka has hit shots like that a couple of times now, and he’s that good I’m starting to suspect he’s doing it deliberately. James, Tanaka, and Sam Byram were having heaps of fun passing to each other on the right wing, and soon enough another James cross landed at the feet of Piroe, whose backheel — fortuitously. again: whatever — landed at the feet of Brenden Aaronson, who now had the time and space to finish unopposed in the six-yard box. I’m not Aaronson’s biggest fan, but if he can match his work ethic with tap-ins like this then he’s alright by me.

The first half ended with Plymouth’s most dangerous attack of the game, a long throw that ended with Meslier calmly claiming a routine catch to finally get his gloves dirty. After setting off at 5am to get to Elland Road in time for kick-off, their fans’ biggest cheer came when full-back Bali Mumba wriggled out of a few tackles in his own half and Plymouth briefly managed to avoid Leeds’ press, only to boot a long pass out of touch in front of the away end.

We should be used to it by now, but such a dearth of ambition from visiting teams sucks a lot of the fun out of going to Elland Road. Recent games against Norwich, Sunderland, and Sheffield United proved that an element of jeopardy makes watching Leeds a lot more exciting, but if Plymouth were not going to provide that jeopardy for Leeds, then Joe Rodon and Junior Firpo at least tried to introduce some tension by having a little row on their way down the tunnel, Gnonto wisely pushing Firpo back to the changing room and away from Big Joe.

With Plymouth so chronic and midweek fixtures on the horizon, the second half was unsurprisingly a procession. Byram showed off some stepovers to leave Mumba on his arse. Rodon bought a cheap free-kick to chants of ‘Luuuke Ay-ling!’. Rooney failed to control the ball to the delight of the crowd after Grimshaw had shanked another clearance out of play. At least Farke read the brief, introducing a sense of novelty and intrigue by bringing on three debutants in Josuha Guilavogui, Sam Chambers, and Charlie Crew. While every Guilavogui pass and tackle was cheered, Chambers nearly set up a goal for Manor Solomon with his first touch and Crew had a good effort from the edge of the box tipped over.

Leeds didn’t break any goalscoring records, but three goals and three debuts meant there were still good vibes in the air leaving the ground. Guilavogui joined Meslier with the customary three salutes to the South Stand, before Struijk asserted his seniority and made Crew do the same. Like Dan James shooting from twenty yards, there’s no need to think too deeply about where Leeds are at right now in the season. Nothing is won in November, but any weekend that isn’t ruined by Leeds United will always feel like a triumph.