The performance art of Joe Gelhardt and Lewis Dunk - The Square Ball 16/5/22
LEWIS DRUNK AMIRITE!
Written by: Rob Conlon
When Graham Potter sits his Brighton players down at their
training ground and starts showing them clips of what they did well and what
they did badly against Leeds, what will he say to Lewis Dunk?
Potter might be better off letting Dunk skip the session to
save his captain the embarrassment. After all those videos of incisive attacks
in the first half and Robert Sanchez’s fine goalkeeping in the second, what
constructive feedback can Potter possibly say to Dunk as the rest of the squad
are stifling their giggles, watching their leader failing to stop Joffy
Gelhardt creating Pascal Struijk’s equaliser, looking like a drunk trying to
teach himself capoeira?
Perhaps the only reassurance Potter can give Dunk is that he
isn’t the first and won’t be the last defender bewitched by the sorcery in
Joffy’s boots. It feels so long since Gelhardt was making his Elland Road debut
by making Wolves’ defence look like Bobby Robson’s England against Diego
Maradona at the 1986 World Cup. Maybe one day someone like Conor Coady will
earn a payday bigger than Steve Hodge after revealing he was lucky enough to
swap shirts with Gelhardt that day. Joffy’s winner against Norwich was the
right-place-right-time finish of an instinctive goalscorer, but it was only
possible because of a leap to beat Ben Gibson in the air that was born out of a
Keep Fighting belligerence. There will be plenty of arguments about what this
season could have looked like if Gelhardt had played more, but holy hell we
should be thankful we have a kid that has been able to play this much and this
decisively.
Boner. #LUFC pic.twitter.com/D2RCrgngmh
— LUFC Lewis (@LewisDeighton17) May 15, 2022
The timing and improvisations of Sunday’s assist was like
potting black to win at the Crucible after swapping a snooker cue for a party
popper. The dummy to send Marc Cucurella running towards the East Stand was
deft enough, but the scoop to make Dunk try to tackle him with a backheel on
all fours deserves to be ranked among Raphinha causing a commentator to sound
worried about the wellbeing of Gary Cahill. Dunk was still on the floor when
Struijk was heading in at the back post, sinking his head into the turf after
the ball crossed the line. Joffy’s reward was a kick in the neck from the
leaping Junior Firpo and a get better hug from Lewis Bate.
🤯 The assist! The header! The limbs! pic.twitter.com/Bu9w8RIe3y
— Leeds United (@LUFC) May 15, 2022
Last week Dunk said he will have no regrets if he fails to
add to his solitary England cap, and if the chance to represent his country
comes around again it will be a “bonus”. That sounds like a wise perspective;
if he’s not careful he might end up having to train against Gelhardt and
getting laughed out of St George’s Park. He also said he wants to spend the
rest of his career at Brighton and retire as a one-club player. Given what
Joffy did to him, if Dunk is being serious, I suggest it’s time for him to call
it a day now.
