Why do we do this to ourselves? — Square Ball 29/10/25
Smelly underwear
Written by: Calum Archibald
From Don Revie’s bus stopping 100 yards short of its
destination to Monsignor Philip Moger blessing the Elland Road pitch,
superstition and Leeds United Football Club go together like asbestos and the
West Stand roof.
At some point in 2009, I made the connection between the
underwear I’d worn and our form, which resulted in an unbeaten home run that
spanned just over a year. I actually lost the lucky underwear just as our home
form tailed off in the League One promotion run-in — so you’re welcome to blame
me for that one.
I’ve always been superstitious about football, which has led
to some ridiculous routines over the years. These days, I’ve settled on a very
particular routine for games I’m not at, which consists of not wearing
traditional Leeds colours or any sportswear, putting my left everything on
first (left sock then right sock and so forth) and drinking exclusively from
the same pint glass.
The logic? If I didn’t do it and we lost, I’d spend days
pondering whether the butterfly effect could even work to an extent that the
colour of jumper I wore impacted whether eleven men on a field are capable of
acting competently or not.
It’s a rankly ludicrous existence that I’ve decided on,
really.
So, why do we do it?
I know I’m not alone in my superstitions and bizarre logic
because we all know this club is capable of sending people to the brink.
Sometimes that’s inhaling pots of jelly in an Aldi car park, at other times
it’s just screaming ‘why?!’ repeatedly as you stare into the void, attempting
to come to terms with the irrelevance of everything.
It’s funny. Nothing in life seems logical than when Leeds
United lose a game of football. Yet when we win, nothing else matters.
When my series of superstitions (which at one point meant I
could only sit in a very specific position on one part of the sofa during the
run-in of the promotion season under Marcelo Bielsa) pay off, I feel like I’ve
settled my score with the universe and brought balance to my life.
Much of football is about the things around the experience
itself, be it the pint with mates beforehand, the cheery fanzine salesman by
the Lowfields tunnel, the half-time pie you tuck inside your jacket to keep you
warm on a freezing January night or even a silent celebration watching a
midweek win on TV because the kids are asleep upstairs.
Which is why the lows feel so low and the highs feel so
high, because we live it all through the experiences around the game. The
actual moments of joy and disappointment are so instant and so fleeting that
everything else becomes staging.
I’d wager there are hundreds, maybe even thousands, of Leeds
fans who are convinced that all they need to do to guarantee a goal is head
down to the toilets at Elland Road. That is superstition that’s ingrained from
the moment you first stick on a Leeds top, swirl a scarf around your head and
give someone a Leeds salute.
Will we ever break the curse?
There have been times when I’ve committed to ending the
nonsense and I’ve ridded myself of all superstitions.
The problem with doing that is it only lasts as long as my
mind is willing to let it. Or, more accurately, as long as our fortunes remain
positive (in a relative sense, at least). After all, you can hardly expect me
to sit by ignoring my superstitions as Arsenal knock in a fifth, can you?
Admittedly, there are times when I follow every superstition
in the book and Leeds still go to Turf Moor and chuck in a 2-0 defeat that’s as
dismal as they come. But imagine how much worse it might have been had I worn a
Leeds shirt and drunk from a different receptacle?
Superstitions, curses and injustice will follow this
football club until its dying day, which will either be the day the world stops
turning round or an injustice so great it’ll scarcely seem believable.
But one day, when the new Elland Road development is
complete and they bless all four corners of the ground and the new bespoke
cheese room and winery, I might decide enough’s enough and I’ll simply enjoy
watching Leeds United for what it is.
